Ten Things.

Last year was quite a whirlwind. A long-term relationship ended for me, which was intense. New relationships started, and ended again. My heart was broken, and mended, and broken again…and now it’s just..meh. I think it’s like, “DUDE. I’ll keep beating for a while and shit, but I’m sick of you throwing me out there to get fucked with”. Sorry, heart. I never really know what the fuck I’m doing. Also, I moved into my parents house for a few months before getting a place, finding myself on my own once more. I welcomed a new wonderful (and hairy) baby into my home, who has made every day since much more interesting, a little more frustrating…..but lots more cuddly and warm. I became an aunt yet again to another fat little baby who has a smile that is so big it sometimes brings me to tears. And the other fat little baby learned to walk and play, and looking at his little face just fills me up with such happiness it also makes me want to cry.

Another crazy thing is that I am in my last year of graduate school, hopefully getting my Master’s in Public Health at the end of the summer. I know, right? A graphic designer with an MPH? What will that do? Well, I have some ideas but I must say I’m a little freaked out. So…wish me luck. I really just wanted to change the focus in my life to helping others, and with an MPH there is the potential to boost communication between people and communities when it comes to health. I will have a different approach then maybe a registered nurse or an epidemiologist…but I feel like I can do some good, and use the skills I already have in marketing, communication, and design to do so. But…we will see.

And of course…I still miss my brother immensely. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I don’t cry every day anymore, and now I laugh at thoughts of him more often than burst into tears…so that’s something I guess.

Anyway…with all that going on, the following may be a bit ambitious, but I really would like to start this new thing. I am bad at follow through…but I really need to keep my mind occupied. So, this is the plan. I wrote out ten different things on notecards, and at least once a week I will pull one and do what it says.

Take a picture. Of something. Anything. Other than maybe half-eaten Mexican food or people bending over at Wal-Mart. (yay, I somehow managed to get a mention of Wal-Mart in here!). So something at least semi-interesting.
Create something. This is pretty vague, but that is intentional. I don’t want to say, “paint a picture!” and it ends up being a weekend where I have ten papers to write. I also don’t mean I’ll just tie a few straw wrappers together and be like, “wa-laa, straw paper person!”.
Cook something new. I am obsessed with cookbooks and have a bunch so I think this will be a good way to use them AND improve my cooking skills.
Share music. (Band/album/playlist) or listen to something new.
Do something kind for someone. I should honestly do this all the time anyway.
Share something from the book I’m reading. Another goal of mine is to read more this year, so this will help keep me on track. I’m sure everyone will be interested in 19th century Russian literature, right?
Go somewhere new. New restaurant, new store, new park, new city…whatevs.
Bake a new cupcake. I like messing around with new flavors and combinations….but I will draw the line at meat cupcakes.
Write something about Jimmy. Sometimes I try not to think about him because it makes me so sad. But I think it will help to write out my memories of him..not only with my own grief, but in keeping him alive for others.
Random. If I pick this one, I can choose from the others or just do whatever the f I want.

So, it’s a little cheesy but I think the hardest part about a blog is finding the motivation to write when I don’t necessarily have a focus. I mean, I’m sure people just love hearing people bitch about other people, but even I get bored of that. I’m not saying I won’t bitch about stupid stuff, but at least I will have other things to write about too.

And in no way will this be new age hippie bullshit. Like, I am not going to turn into inspirational poster-sharing chick. F that. “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”…..um, no. I don’t care if the words are in a fancy font layered over a nice little rainy landscape . Yeah, guess what? Not everyone has the ability to control their situation or surroundings. Some people are dirt fucking poor and everyday does not feel awesome. They are not always able to say, “my gas is going to be turned off…but you know what? I’m not going to worry about how to make sure my kids have heat in the middle of winter. I just wanna dance!”. Some people are severely depressed and it’s really difficult to just look at a picture of a sunset and suddenly start thinking positive thoughts. Every time I see stuff like that I think about someone locked up in a basement being tortured by a psychopath with that poster on the wall. “You are in control of your life. Choose happiness!”. Yeah, I BET the tortured, chained-up person would love to choose happiness! They are like, “you know what? I am in control! Let me just bust out of here and start a new life! Oh wait…I can’t.” And then staring at the inspirational poster becomes a mockery, laughing in their face as they tumble further down a gaping pit of despair, reminding them of how much they long for death.

Photo credit: Andy Sowards

Yeah.

So hopefully I will now update this at least once a week, instead of at the current pace of once a year. Because if I can’t get the crazy out of my head, it just festers inside of me like a lab rat who has been juiced up with some crack and just sits in the corner of the cage scratching himself. That’s my brain, a juiced-up crack rat.

(Also, I know you usually don’t use the word “juice” in reference to crack, but I don’t care. I do what I want. Sheets of crack for everyone.)

In other news, Nikki and Erin and I started our wing tour last night. We are going to try a different wing place on Thursdays (when possible) and rate ’em up. We went to Dina’s on Memphis last night, and it was pretty great. The wings were cooked really well (gotta ask for extra crispy) and the beer was cheap. Most of the sauces we had were delicious, other than their House Hot sauce. Wayyyyy too sweet.Their buffalo sauce was really good. Nothing life-changing, but really well done. Also, I’m a sucker for a dry-rubbed wing (that’s what she said?), and their pepper one was pretty tasty. Also, our server was awesome. Super nice and totally took care of us. Anyway, I would recommend the place. Good stuff.

So there ya go, fools. Life updates, blog changes, new uses for motivational posters, drug references, and some wing recommendations.

Welcome back to Crazy Town.